erosisonfire

My brain just doesn't want to work right now. So I figured this post is going to be less interesting and more of a rant.

Nine random facts about me:

• 1. I don't sing in the shower. I sing everywhere but the shower.
• 2. I don't like being hit on. I'm extremely hard to get any serious second look from. I don't think I'm by any means 'better' than anybody else. I really don't have any ego to speak of. I actually don't judge people until I've personally given them the time of day to make a real decision about that matter. (Keep that thought.)
• 3. I really do love Escape the Fate and this girl more than I should. They're the only things that I even look forward to anymore. Waking up and listening toEscape teh Fate. Talking to her. .
• 4. Watching 'reality' TV makes me feel tons better about who I am as a person.
• 6. About 90% of the time, I have an unbearable migraine. I hide this exceptionally well.
• 7. The only girl I want to always have in my life is Peanut. I don't care what other people think of her. She's been amazing to me, and I'd still put everything I had out there for her.
• 8. I remember everything I will never have to. My memory is immaculate, as long as it's not important.
• 9. I never take myself seriously. I'm extremely passive and far too forgiving, simply because I hate complications. I brush everything off, and I always make a joke about everything. Which leads me back to fact2.

CAUTION: THIS WILL LEAD TO A BITCHFEST RANT ABOUT SINGLE LIFE, THE PAST, AND ALL OF THE OTHER STUPID BULLSHIT THAT I KNOW NOBODY CARES ABOUT, BECAUSE QUITE FRANKLY, I DON'T EVEN REALLY CARE ANYMORE. It's simply everything that crosses my mind, and I don't even have the ambition or will to care about. This is kind of a 'more for me' thing I have going on, here.

I hate being "hit on". I hate the idea of 'dating'. I have no 'better than everything' complex about me. Matter of fact, I'm quite the easygoing person. Let me break this down for you;




I'm not an easy person to get to. I mean, I'll let you know whatever you want about me. I'm an open book. I have no secrets. I have nothing to hide. I am completely open about my past. I am more than willing to show you who I really am. It's not difficult, I'm never anything less than myself. I'm completely disgusted with any girl who puts up a front to get to me, which has been all of them. I want to know your flaws. I want to know the quirks. If I had a dollar for how well I knew who every guy really pretended to be, hot damn, I'd be making bank. I can see through it, believe you me, but I usually end up getting so frustrated that they won't be real with me. I can't like anybody who can flex their spine that easily.
I'm not the jealous type. I'm actually too quick to give some people chances; first, second or last. I don't care if you talk to or hang out with other guys. Honestly. I'd expect you to be fine with me hanging out with my girl friends. I'd expect you to have that certain level of trust. Trust is such a touchy subject. Some people know they shouldn't have it and obsess over whether or not they're getting it. This is how I do it; Everybody starts out at absolute zero. You work your way up or down. Even if I'm apprehensive, I ignore that. I let people prove their worth to me personally. It's not like it's some huge gauntlet or anything, it's just your actions and how many times you legitimately disappoint me vs how many times you've done something fair enough to nudge the scale in your favor. This method is quite misleading sometimes. I occasionally put too much faith in one to actually be a good person. But I understand the difference between bad day and overall you suck at life.

I'm entirely too dun giva fuh. I don't always need to be out and about. When I am out, you can expect me to socialize, be friendly. I probably won't be all over you, either. Not in a 'don't want to be seen with you' kind of way. I'm just hard to keep up with when it comes to some social events, that's all. Do your thing, I'll do mine. But I'm the kind of guy who enjoys staying in, having people over or just laying around and ...being. It depends on the kind of day. I do love going out. I don't mind doing 'cute' stuff, but not disgustingly cute. This is just confusing to explain for me. Bottom line, just because I'm talking to other people doesn't mean I forgot you.

I don't fight, especially over stupid petty shit. If you want to have a legitimate argument with me, I'm open to it. I'm fine with nonsensical little playful fights. It's completley fine to have a healthy disagreement.  Example; a random girl hits on me. <--THIS HAPPENS ALL OF THE FUCKING TIME. I brush it off. I never take any of it to heart, and I don't even listen after I realize they're doing it. If you get mad at me because some girl is trying to get on my shit, you're just fucking done for. Seriously, this is not an ego, it happens every time I leave my house. I don't understand it, but I don't care, and I don't dwell on it. [This scenario works both ways. I can honestly and genuinely say that I don't care how many guys try to climb all over you and get their "hugtime" in. I'm going home with you. End of story.]

I like flaws: quirks. It proves to me that you're human. I mean, the big picture and the close-up have to obviously co-exist, right? I don't expect you to be perfect. Be confident in who you are. I'm confident in who I am as a person. I mean, I'm not over-confident. I like who I am. It's more of the question: How can I like somebody who doesn't even like themselves. Granted, there are catch 22's to this. I would love more than anything to be the main cause of somebody feeling good about themself; but this brings an entire different argument up. I don't want to be the only reason for a happiness, but a leading factor.

However, I'm completely independent. Even if I'm broke, it doesn't mean I ever want your money. [Sidebar: Do not buy me gifts. Haha, I'm stubborn.] I'm not a child, I can hold my own. If I ever needed something, I'd wait a month or two to swallow my pride and ask. Haha, honestly, real scenario, could happen.
 This sounds a little contradictory, but stay with me here: I just wanna be happy. Not content, I refuse to settle. Make me your world. Give me one good reason to believe I'm different than any other guy you hit on. Otherwise, I can't bring myself to give any fucks. =] I want to know that I could make or break somebody. I want to know I have that kind of influence on a person. I want them to have this same exact power over me. I want there to be a mutual trust and understanding: neither of us would ever abuse that 'power'. Knowing it's there is the part that matters. It all leads back to that 'trust' issue, really. If you don't understand it correctly, that sounds like a sick thing to say. It's all in good intentions and a kind heart.

Let me know that you're capable of loving. This sounds like something a girl would say. But, I don't just 'fall in love' like that. Matter of fact, only one girl has had that power over me. But, Let it take time. Don't be trigger happy, here. I just need to know that it's a possibility. I know I'm capable of it. The possibility is all I ask for.

I'm entirely too loyal and honest. My loyalty is what scares me. This is where my biggest weak spot lies. I'm terrified of how open I am, but I never show it. Being hurt by this is a risk I'm willing to take if somebody proves they're worth it to me. I can't just gamble on anybody. But know this: If I've gone as far enough to declare that I'm 'dating' or 'in a relationship with' somebody, nothing will make me compromise that. Unless I've made the personal decision to 'give up' [which I don't] I'm not budging. Rumors of me are always flying around everywhere, and I need a girl secure enough with himself to realize none of it's ever true.

I don't do clingy or needy. I'm not a clingy person. Again, I don't care what you're doing at every second of every day. Even if there are days where I only talk to you once, by whatever means, I'm not going to be upset. Of course, if it continues for too long I'm going to be like 'ALL OVER YOUR SHIT'. But see, I know this person I'm 'with' will have a life, just like I'll have mine. The whole challenge is to see how well they fit together. This doesn't mean the fit has to be snug, if you're catching my drift here. I don't have to see you every single day. I don't expect you to spend every single minute you have to spare with me. I mean, if you want to, awesome, that's entirely up to you. But don't feel obligated to. Yeah, I'll have a bad day once in awhile, but I'm not going to take it out on whoever I'm 'dating' in any way. Don't ever be clingy or needy 24/7. There are occasions where it's completely acceptable and very rarely downright adorable. But come on, draw a line.

More short random stuff: I refuse to cry; I couldn't for the life of me say why. Just how I've been. This is the most I've 'bitched' in well over a year; I really don't complain. I don't get angry often. I'm a jerk, but a loving one. I'm stubborn, but not in an obnoxious way. I'm more fun than this makes me seem. Haha. This is just the worst side of me there is. I rarely take myself seriously. I like to make people laugh. I'm a warm person. I care pretty easy. There's a lot to me, but there's a lot to everybody. I'm patient. I'm understanding. The list goes on. My pros definitely cancel out the few cons that I have. I'm not perfect, but I'm doing something right, here.



And all of this, all of it; is what I'd do for another person. I don't just expect you to expect me to put you on a pedestal. I mean, I'm going to see you as something special, you should see me as the same. But I'm more than willing to earn all the respect and trust that I can. I wouldn't expect anything from somebody that I'm not willing to do myself.